My 15 Seconds Of Fame

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the old saying is that we all get our 15 minutes sooner or later, I however will take what I can get.

Last night, after homework and before dinner, I took a few minutes to check my email, blog comments and twitter. Simultaneously, Greta Van Susteren send out a general tweet to effect of "Hey, I'm logged onto Skype, ping me now if you want to chat." (I can't find the exact tweet, but that was the gist of it.)

So I looked her up on Skype and hit that magic little call button. I didn't know the topic she wanted to discuss or the context of what the conversation would be and was nervous and very much second guessing my choice about making contact. It began to ring, and ring, and ring. I let it ring 7 or 8 times before giving up and figuring that 500 people were doing the same nervous sweaty under arm thing that I was.

In the mean time, my cell phone rang and it was none other than my dear blogging buddy, Mr. Man. We were chatting for just a minute or 2, when my Skype started ringing. "Mr. Man, I don't want to be rude, but I'm gonna have to call you back. Greta Van Susteren is calling me." Without missing a beat, Mr. Man responded "well, okay then." or something like that.

I answered the call and here is what ensued:
I must say that Greta was friendly, pleasant and able to quickly make me feel at ease. She posted our conversation on her blog Greta Wire and I am enjoying my 15 minutes of faux celebrity.

Greta promoted my blog and I saw a definite spike in the traffic last night. I woke up this morning to actual fan email in my inbox. I kid you not. I was pretty surprised to, and flattered, and a little creeped out. It was all very complimentary and ego boosting, but it was awfully strange and all very new for me.

I was sent well wishes from blogging and twitter friends and teased plenty in a jovial way from friends. Melisa wrote a fantabulously funny post about her delusions of how it all came to be on her blog. Coincidentally, I was already scheduled to have lunch with Melisa and Michelle of Honest and Truly.

When we were seated at our table we were already laughing and having fun as I played up my new celeb status as eyes were rolled and belly laughs abounded. The waitress came to greet us and immediately said "You look so familiar". I almost wet my pants trying to hold back the laughter. Of course she was talking about Michelle and Melisa's notoriety in the "Eating Cheesecake and calling it Lunch Hall of Fame" and how she remembered waiting on them in the past.

I'm enjoying my 15 minutes and just hope that it isn't up quite yet.

Some Times You Are The Windshield

Today I get to be the bug. What Now Dad has stealthily tagged me for a meme, and since I can't come up with anything original or amusing to write on my own He has bad teeth and his wife has confiscated meat from his diet while forcing him to eat tofu tacos I am a good sport, I am going to play along.

The Meme game is played as follows:
The person who is tagged goes to the first photo file on their computer and to the tenth photo in that file. The tagged person post the photo on their blog and tells the story behind it. Then the person tags a few people from the blogs that they read.

I am not nearly organized enough to keep my photos in folders, so I decided to blindly click on the first JPG file I saw and came out with this nugget of pure gold.
Why is this pic of such value as to be be compared with a rock that dwells deep under the dinosaur to family dog fertilized earth?

I knew you would ask that, and that is why I am prepared to tell you that this a rare pic is of me with my eyes open, a full smile and having a good hair day. A rare trifecta. and none other than Vodka Mom!

I had the privilege of meeting this fantastically funny and talented blogger at the BlogHer conference this past July. I knew that she would be attending and I shamelessly hunted through the crowds to spot her more aggressively than a wannabe tween groupie at Jonas Brothers concert. I even had the fabulous Melisa with 1 S, who does not share my affliction of being vertically challenged, use her hawk like vision to help me find this blogging hero of mine, and Melisa came through for me. She found Vodka Mom standing approximately 5 feet away from me at a party on the first night.

So what was I to do besides assault her faster than a teen boy rounding 3rd base and have a friend snap a picture before the poor lady even knew what had happened.

Ahhh, but my stalking and assaulting didn't stop there. Staying at the same hotel for 3 straight nights gave me loads of opportunity to provide cause for Vodka Mom to build a case for a restraining order to see, smile, wave and chat with this lovely and gracious lady.

I even happened to 'run into her' at 6am in the hotel coffee house. She was alone, drinking her morning coffee and working on her laptop. I did not let these facts stop me from sitting down to have a friendly conversation while she was cornered alone. While she was basically my hostage and I talked and had coffee, Vodka Mom stated that she needed an extra bag to lug home some of the weekends souvenirs and I quickly supplied her with one of mine reminiscent of girls throwing their panties to the Beetles on stage.

Stupid me. I got it all backwards. Elvis used to throw his sweaty scarves out to his fans as a keepsake. I just got to excited and erupted faster than Matthew Broderick in Biloxi Blues.

All joking aside, Vodka Mom is a warm, gracious and kind (not to mention funny) lady, who is even more vertically challenged than I, that I like to call, friend.

Oh and by the way, I am tagging

1. Melisa with 1 S ~ Because she's a sport and takes lots of pics.
2. NukeDad ~ Because I am convinced that he just forgot the password to get into the dashboard of his blog and this may inspire him to look through the NukeBeagles' droppings to find it. (Consider the gauntlet thrown.)
3. Tom of being Michael's Daddy ~ Because I know that he will have a good story to go with his picture.
   

Dear WeaselMomma

*Dear WeaselMomma is column that I write @ Dad Blogs, in which readers can send me advice seeking questions and I can inform them that if they are asking my advice, they are much worse off than they know.*

This edition of Dear WeaselMomma has been provided by "It's Party Time" and the letter Q.

Dear WeaselMomma,

How do I have a fantastic pity party for one? What would you serve? I’m not sure of the best pity party foods and beverages? Where is the best place to host it? What music do you recommend? And how can I let the person who is making me host this pity party know he/she has earned the number one spot on my all time “doo-doo” list? Waiting for your advice.

It’s Party Time

Dearest Party Animal,

I am not sure I am properly qualified to help you plan and execute a 'party for one'. Daddy files is actually the resident expert in that area and would most likely advise you to serve cantaloupe or any melon that has been warmed in the sun.

That said, I will offer you advice the best that I am able.

I personally would change the theme to a commiseration party, instead of a pity party. First off, parties are always better with guests and secondly, when you are having a tough time and feeling badly, friends are always good company to keep close.

What to serve all depends on whether you choose to do this as a breakfast, lunch or evening venue. I would host at your home to achieve that homely and cozy 'we are among friends' vibe going.
If you are thinking of a breakfast party you should serve coffee (all Irished up -of course) and beer for beverages along with bagels, cream cheese, very high fat coffee cake or anything else that you can just pick up at the store and don't have to actually prepare. Chocolate is great for these occasions, but you know how people feel about chocolate being consumed before noon.

If you are envisioning a lunch or brunch you should go with rum punch, mimosas and beer for beverage options. Serve comfort foods for the menu options, such as baked macaroni and cheese, twice baked potatoes and rice pudding. That's right, you need to carb load your tipsy guests so that they sit down in a comfy chair and keep great company for hours, as they are too tired and weighed down to actually get up and proceed with their daily responsibilities in life. You can sit platters of chocolate within 1/2 of an arms reach to keep the good times rolling indefinitely.

If an evening soire is more your thing, you need to go straight to the hard liquor and mixers along with a few bottles of highly pretentious wine so dry that Betty Ford herself exclaims "what the hell is this crap?" and beer. As far as food is concerned you can just set out a bowl of nuts and a plate of fake plastic food from the little tykes kitchen set that the kids stopped playing with over a decade ago. If your guests are coming over in the evening they are not interested in eating (hence, why you have chosen the hard liquor for this venue).

Now onto music. If this is a commiseration party, you simply go with country music. My truck cried, my wife lied and my dog died is sure to set the right mood for complaining about life's woes.

Finally, you need to let the main offender know of the party that you are throwing and that they are not invited to partake in your good times, friends and fun. The most mature and approriate way to get all of your points across simply and efficiently is with a great big raspberry! Trust me, you will feel better.

I hope that this helps with all of your party planing needs and that I receive my invitation soon. It sounds like it's going to be a good time.

The Good Old Days

Last night around dinner time, with my fever creeping back and body ache inching it's way into my bones, I knew it was time for my next dose of cold medicine. That's about the same time that I remembered I had already taken the last dose of Nyquil in the house the night before. I called Mr. Weasel to ask if he would pick some up on his way home, only to find out he wouldn't be home for hours yet. I couldn't wait for hours.

The suggestion was made that I could drive to the store with Eldest Weasel and have her run in and get the goods for me, but if I had to leave the house anyway I may as well just go alone and run into the store myself. I only needed one item. Besides, I wasn't even sure that Eldest would be allowed to make the purchase of such state controlled and dangerous items like pseudoephedrine here in stupid Illinois.

So off I went to hit the cold and flu aisle of the store. We all have seen the 100's of confusing options we now have in cold medicine. There is cold & sinus, cold and flu, allergy & sinus, pain reliever- fever reducer- stuffy nose & cough. There is sore throat -fever reducing- lottery number- sinus relief. All varieties are made by 15 different brand names and come in formulas such as Childrens, Regular, Extra Strength and Max!

All of these products do have one thing in common though, they don't work! They all have pretty much the same active ingredients, just different packaging and marketing. It made me miss the good old days of a pharmacy aisle being chock full of hard core, artificially colored, sugar filled, alcohol based cold and cough medicines.

Sure, the main active ingredient in the old school cold medicines was alcohol, but they worked to relieve your symptoms enough for you to sleep and your body to get the rest it needed to fight off the germs. Let's not forget that alcohol has many far reaching medicinal qualities and was regularly prescribed by physicians for many an ailment throughout the ages. It works well as an antiseptic germ killer and an anesthetic. It works as a pain reliever and as a muscle relaxant. Black berry brandy can settle an upset stomach better than any antacid and port wine is one of the best cough suppressants ever known to mankind. Alcohol works wonderfully as an anxiety reliever and stress reducer. Yet, it has been yanked from our medicine cabinets because alcohol contains, well alcohol.

So, as I was reading marketing labels of all the cold medicine boxes on the store shelves, they were all sporting "Sugar Free", "Alcohol Free" and "no artificial colors or dyes" on the front of the boxes as selling points. "Pick me, I have no active ingredients!"

It made me long for the days of my childhood. If I had a toothache, my Dad would take out a shot glass and pour about 1 teaspoon of whiskey into it. He'd tell me to dip my finger in and rub it on the tooth and gum, then to pour the rest into my mouth and swish it around before swallowing. By George, it worked and would help the ache until my parents could get me to the dentist.

If you had a bad cough, out of the liquor cabinet came the port wine and you would be given a thimble full every so many hours. If you had a bad cold or flu, not only would chicken soup be on the stove, but hot tea spiked with a splash of brandy, whiskey, schnapps or whatever kind of liquor was in the house that the taste could be disguised with sugar and tea. You were encouraged to drink it down fast and hot and then to go lie down. These old home remedies worked and when cold medicines originally hit the marketplace, alcohol was the #1 ingredient. If a parent were to give a child any of these alcohol based home remedies today, they may get put in front of a firing squad, just for the high-fructose corn syrup factor, before they were burned at the stake for the abuse of giving a child booze, no matter how medicinal or small the dose.

In the end, I picked up my box of alcohol free, psuedoephedrine filled, Nyquil liqui-tabs and headed for the checkout, kicking myself for not having the energy to just go to the liquor department for a bottle of Brandy, port wine and some old fashioned aspirin.

Don't forget to stop by Dad Blogs for some other interesting insights on all things Fatherhood and Parenthood related.

Sisyphus Symphony in D Minor

Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough,
sneeze, sneeze,
sneeze, sneeze.

Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough,
sneeze, sneeze,
sneeze, sneeze.

And don't forget chills,
can't get warm
and I might just really freeze.

Okay, so I may not have all the talent of the Jingle Cats or those dogs who bark out Christmas carols, but this is the symphony that I have been performing for the past few days. It goes on and on like a broken record. Everyone in Weaselville is tired of hearing it and I am tired of playing it. It starts looping about every 5 hours and continues until the next dose of medication kicks in.

While I recuperate I offer you these small observations:

• I love the tissues with lotion in them, until I forget about the lotion and use one to clean my glasses.
• Dayquil works for me and takes the edge off, Mucinex, not so much.
• Whenever a TV show or a movie has a scene with the characters brushing their teeth, they always spit, but never rinse. I don't know why, but this really gets under my skin.
• Whenever a teen is helpful and pleasant, they want something.
• When you tell said teen that may NOT go see a midnight showing of a movie with their friends on a school night, they will no longer be helpful and pleasant.
• Weasels will never be ready to leave for school on time no matter how early you wake them up or prepare ahead of time. It's the same craziness everyday and sometimes I feel like Sisyphus.
• First thing in the morning, the dog relieves herself outdoors like a girl. She goes out, takes care of business quickly and back inside.
• As the day wears on, she takes the guy route. Sniffs around, leisurely walking back and forth and in circles, seeking out the perfect squat spot for 45 minutes before finally taking care of business.
  

That's all for today folks. It's time to let the Dayquil start working.